Graduation

With the end of this phase of my life, of course pictures have to be taken to commemorate graduating. Really glad to be done and am looking forward to starting on my career. More photos are on facebook and flickr and it was a beautiful day with smiles all around.

Wall.E

Alright, no more geeky posts on my blog sent from the iPhone for now. Actually, the mouse actually feels unnatural in my hand now after not having touched it for a week. So packing starts in real earnest today as the flight on Tuesday looms ever closer. Having a Wall.E around would prove handy right now, but I don't think I would enjoy him crushing everything in the process though.

Agemennon Castle

Agemennon Castle, originally uploaded by Png83.

or "Agemennon's Mask" as it is called because excavators wrongly assumed the great king to be buried here when a royal graveyard was found within the castle's ground. The headstone of one of the 12 tombstones was mistaken to be the King's and the name stuck.

Without a doubt though, this was where the Mycenae king held his war counsels, surveyed his lands at night and observed the formation of his fleet as he gathered the forces of Greece, mostly in his control now, to bear on Troy.

Imagine him, the last real great king of the Mycenae dynasty, walking up those ramps after laying siege to Troy for a decade. Returning home empty handed without the treasures of Troy to show for the 10 years and sacrifice of his daughter to the Gods. Returning to a Queen who has plotted his death while in bed with her lover. Oh... The stories that these walls could tell. Of course, Homer did a mighty fine job in their stead with his two great poems.

Agemennon was the herald for the end of the Hero's Age where men strived for greatness and immortality in legends. Gone are the Hercules, Achilles and Hectors. Yet some how each one of us still hopes. I still hope to be a hero for someone in the future. Just her :)

Corinth Canal

Corinth Canal, originally uploaded by Png83.

iFlickr

iFlickr, originally uploaded by Png83.

Once an Islander always an Islander

Hydra Island, originally uploaded by Png83.

Taken from the top of a fortress wall, this used to be a pirate cove on Hydra Island. Chosen as a haven from the Athenian navy and the elements of nature, some of the pirates decided to stay thus forming the first local communities. Seafarers who converted to being islanders.

I wonder if the salty winds ever called out to those first settlers? To fly over the blue Aegean sea again. Maybe the grass is greener on the other side?

Like how much I miss the island life now in Singapore. The beach is never more than 30mins away and the sun more than happy to scorch your skin. To enjoy thunderstorms at home with a book and smell the wet grass later. Playing basketball in the evening sun and perspiring so much it is almost like you are swimming.

I suppose men are wretched creatures like that. Missing something or someone only after it is out of their life. Haha, I might even miss Manchester's shit weather in a month! That is all in the future though and for now just send me the sun, sand and sea. Solar Sam is fully charged!

"Have you seen my spear?..

iFlickr, originally uploaded by Png83.

... How can I be a spear carrier without my spear?"

Behold the Temple of Zeus. Or what remains of it. Hard to imagine the confluence of religion, culture and trade it represents. Pilgrams from all over came with offerings to seek blessings. Sects were founded to service the temples. Wars were wrought only if the Oracle approved. To say Athens was the centre of the world wouldn't be an exaggeration.

To finally see what I have imagined so many times from reading history and fiction as well as playing (old frens should know this *smile*) Zeus feels very fufilling.

Athens

This city is just packed with so much cultural history it boggles the mind to wonder what if democracy and philosophy wasn't born and spread here back in 2~6 B.C. This olive tree in the national park kindly provided shade for my family and I as we napped and hid from the heat underneath it. Sent from my iPhone

ML was right all along

"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option to them"

Some People Watch TV Shows, I Watch Webclips.

I want to....


Travel the world:



Get high on adrenaline:





And be able to meet you with as much joy years down the road.

"Love knows no limits and true friendship lasts a lifetime.
Get back in touch with someone today.
You'll be glad you did."

Le Petit Prince

There was an exhibition in Whitworth Art Gallery Recently on art by children and the power of a child's imagination. It was called "Neverland" I think and was highly intriguing for the different views and perspectives it presented. Somehow it reminded me of the book "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry translated from French. It is supposed to be a children's book, but I felt that it still had a lot to teach adults. In fact, children might find the lessons in the book easier to understand than grown-ups would.

"That is the hardest thing of all. It is much harder to judge yourself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself, it's because you're truly a wise man."

--

"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

--

Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: "What does his voice sound like?" "What games does he like best?" "Does he collect butterflies?". They ask: "How old is he?" "How many brothers does he have?" "How much does he weigh?" "How much money does his father make?" Only then do they think they know him.

What's Left?

It's the final countdown. Last few days in Manchester before I fly to Greece and then home to Singapore. I find myself wandering alone on the streets of this city more and more everyday. How many days can go by before you utter a single word? The last time I went mute, it lasted.. a week. I just didn't have anything to say. Silence, however, is deafening.

So... what to do? Nothing. I shall wait for the sun to come out and go for another city excursion. :)

And It Did Stop Raining

About 2 hours after my rant, the clouds broke cover and the sun finally broke free. Seems like someone up there heard me and was granting me a reprieve. Seizing the opportunity, I headed to town for a walk and do what I usually do on these solitary walks: look.

Looking at family and couples lazing on the grass or playing the water fountain at Piccadilly Gardens.
Looking at the shopping throng in Arndale hunting for sales bargains.
Looking at the clouds float by while sitting at the big screen.
Looking at flowers and stalls in the market at St. Albert Square.

So it was that my footsteps brought me back to school and such a strong sense of nostalgia struck me as I looked at the red brick buildings of old - so distinct of Manchester's industrial history - and couldn't help but smile. I've changed in these ancient buildings, chilled to the bones in winter as the bricks did nothing to insulate us from the elements. Truly, I am a Northern Manc, for these are the sights I will remember Manchester by:

I'm Fed Up! Stop Raining!

Stop raining! Alright, I know being rained on is part of what living in Manchester is about, but give it a break already and let me enjoy this final summer in the UK. Seriously, counting the real number of days I have left in Manchester, it amounts to no more than 8 days. After I return from my trip with Mom and Sis, it is almost immediately off to Singapore I fly.

So...stop raining. Let the sun out. It'll be too late very soon.

feeling: rained on

Cause and Effect

Mentioned to a. that I have been walking around town alot lately. Well, it hasn't been without consequences. Especially since summer sales are now on with discounts from 50% and up. What's happening Sammmmm... you are shopping so often lately! People do change after all I suppose.

Short sleeve Diesel shirt worn loose casual

The same shirt now buttoned up.

Didn't get that in the end. Too expensive!

Found another shirt - yes, I know it's black AGAIN

Finally, this was the shirt I decided on in the end.

I need to start working and earning some money soon...

Kos, Greece

A back-dated post about my graduation trip to Kos, Greece. Who am I kidding, the pictures say it way better than I ever could. How much I loved soaking up the sun - both while doing nothing but lazing on the beach or having fun like cycling around the island - and chilling with everybody. We adopted this particular beer garden and went there EVERYDAY.

All the photos are here, but here's a sample of what it was like there:










New York City will have to wait.



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Now playing: Coldplay - Yes
via FoxyTunes

What a rollercoaster

Whoa~ Feel like I've been thrown into an emotional washing machine and tumbled all around it non-stop for the past few days!

Mom's finally given the confirmation that she and sis will be able to make it to my graduation after all. *beams*

Had a frank talk with a friend and even though I won't say that the end result is what I was looking for, but it was still good to clarify things with him and set things straight. I was really worried I was going to lose one or even both of them.

Only 3 more weeks and I will be gone from Manchester forever. Wow. It's like a sucker punch from reality. KAPOW!

*Forever is leaving something of himself behind in Manchester



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Now playing: Coldplay - Lost!
via FoxyTunes

And the dust settles

So after a night walking around town alone, I've sort of settled my tumultuous feelings after realising it might not be possible for my Mom as well to attend the graduation.

Will still be flying on the 20th of July. The reality of leaving peppers me with bits and pieces as I settle my phone contracts, bank accounts and start sourcing for the cheapest shipment back to Singapore. Not even sure how many boxes I'll require. 36? :P It is 3 years of accumulated things.

I do dread going home a tiny little bit though. Things and people that I will be leaving behind here.. This is also the first time in ... a decade and a half (15 years) that I will be living with my Mom for any extended period of time.

Alright, it is time to stop moping about and start making full use of the month I have left in Manchester. You can be so stupid sometimes Sam.

p.s. Those dolphins are taking on a very large portion of my mind! Is there a novella growing in my head?!

Days of our lives wasted

I want to go home NOW. This INSTANT. I don't want to wait for graduation. I don't want to attend graduation to pick up the stupid cert. I want to start work. NOW.

I'm sick and tired of waiting around doing nothing. No one I care about is attending my graduation anyway.

Send me home, please. I am tired of being alone and the one they come to when they need help/advice and left alone when my situation is less than rosy.

Results!

The exam board meets this Monday. I have this sinking nervous feeling churning inside of me.

Worried....................................but worrying never helped solve anything.

Disclaimer

Just to let everyone know that I am going to be away to Greece, Kos island starting tomorrow and will be back on the 12th only to fly straight to New York that very day and finally come back to Manchester on the 20th of June.

Won't be posting anything over this duration. So take care and God bless.

Freedom

This past weekend, I grew wings and jumped into the sky for the freedom I finally attained. I have nothing...nothing... NOTHING left to do in my university career! I didn't even feel the exhaustion set in until much later, surviving on pure adrenaline for the remainder of the day.

I am so free now and yet not as well at the same time. So much of 'so little time' left before 20th July comes along. How I wish I had control over time some times.


p.s. 'I am obviously not in the most lucid of minds right now. Must be groggy from just waking up, but I am not editing or correcting these lines. They are meant to convey what I'm thinking and feeling after all.'

What's Breakable

Who Am I? (II)

This was a rather hard post in the making, considering the soul searching and self-examination involved in it. Looking at old posts like this and photos I've kept. I don't know what sparked this round of reminiscence, but it comes as a milestone of sorts.

I have finally walked out of the shadow of my failed relationship with Ling and fixed a part of me that has lain broken and scarred for well beyond a year. It was a very ugly me that faced the world in the ensuing months after the break up and I am glad to finally leave it behind. The sense of relief and lightness in the heart grows with each palpitation in my chest and smiles aren't so hard to conjure up any more.

In a way, I am terribly ashamed at how long it has taken me to get over Ling. Not that I harboured any thoughts of getting back together with her, but just that I never stopped letting it hurt me. And that was the crux of my problem: I allowed it to go on causing me grief. Wallowing in sorrow and self-hate, I refused to believe that a wretched soul like myself deserves to be happy - I've never given so much of myself to anyone before, so if the whole and sum of me can be rejected like that, surely it means there is seriously something wrong with me and I don't deserve to love and be loved? It was the realisation of all my childhood fears from my parents' separation. I was a defect with a warped heart after all.


After spending a summer running from my problems (all that travelling only served to conceal the turmoil brewing in me) and returning to Manchester with a jaded outlook on life, days just passed me by without any significance and meaning. The energy and vibrancy I once had was lost and I wasn't really trying to rediscover it to begin with. I still try my best not to dampen the moods - especially with Brian, Clarence and Kuan, but I think they could sense something was wrong with me and gradually they left me alone too. I think Brian was almost a little overwhelmed and shocked at my grief. It was in such stark contrast to his blossoming love with Lily it was ironic.

They say that time heals all wounds. That's bullshit. You have to make a concentrated effort to fill up the hole left gaping inside of you. If left alone, even with time, it'll just get deeper and darker as it tries to pull you under. Therefore it was so tiring to maintain the effort needed that I nearly stopped treading water and thought it would be easier to just sink into the abyss. Unfeeling and cocooned from the world in the darkness.

The break-through came recently and it was an enlightenment to say the least. With small nudges and prods from a friend, I stirred from my hole and looked out instead of inwards. Little by little I found myself wanting to reach out again. To share thoughts and feelings with someone else. To love again. The kind that transcends romance and doesn't expect anything in return, but just content in the good company. I think it's called "family". Where effort seems to come forward effortlessly. The atrophied muscle that is my heart is in use again and it is relishing the exercise it is finally getting. So my patchy heart is getting sewn up now and it wants to fly - solo for now until a partner joins in.

So who am I? I still don't know, but I know that I actually crave to be more and better once again. Thus life is golden. Super Golden full of energy hanging upside down from the ceiling kind of golden.





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Now playing: Ippie Mix
via FoxyTunes

Who Am I?

I don't know, yet.

Life is a journey to discover about yourself anyway.

www.failblog.org

Pages and pages of funny pics at www.failblog.org. Check it out, I laughed quite hard at a few of them.