If I were a drink...

It's a tie!
	You are a part Cosmopolitan. You are quiet and content. You don't stand out too much, but you don't mind and don't care what people think of you. You don't need everything to be perfect, as long as you get what matters. Sure, you may be 'girly' and you may not be the smartest, craziest or most refined, but you really like yourself, and that's fine by you.
	You are a part Whiskey on the Rocks. You are tough and you know it. It takes a long time for people to get to know you but you wouldn't have it any other way. You don't care what people think, but sometimes that turns people off of you.

FREE!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes one word is all it takes to contain the exuberance of it all.

FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Paper To Go!!!!!!!!!

mood: hyper



I can sleep when I die.


Oh yeah.

Exactly, So get on with it already.

song : Wheels on Fire - Magic Numbers
mood: industrious
book-in-hand: Fabric of the Cosmos by Briane Greene



"People do get lonely, especially when they're deprived of seeing someone they care about.

-It's just life"

Done and not quite Dusted

song : 100 years - Five for Fighting
mood: hyper
book-in-hand: Fabric of the Cosmos by Briane Greene

With the first four papers now over and done with, all that's left are the 2 monsters lurking this Friday and Monday before I am officially released like a bat out of hell from revision schedules. (Not much of a schedule there, just mug mug mug till the cows come home) Things have been going well so far and hopefully this positive trend will continue!

What the hell!

It's summer and the temperature now is 3 Degrees Celsius.... THREE!!!!!! I'm freezing my bloody fingers and toes off at my study table.

To Various People

song : Last Order - Eason Chan
mood: disheartened
book-in-hand: Fabric of the Cosmos by Briane Greene

To all those graduating or thinking of going back to school/work:




PI = Professional Industry


To us left handers =) :



To the few I know in the advertising industry :



To EVERYBODY:

Pictures and drawings taken from http://indexed.blogspot.com/ and http://cheeminology.blogspot.com/

A Weekend of Firsts

song : Hard To Concentrate - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
mood: headache
book-in-hand: Fabric of the Cosmos by Briane Greene





It's been an "interesting" weekend to say the least. Studying has screwed up my sense of literacy and so I shall endeavour to list them out in point form as follows....

• Owing to the auspices of Belinda's 22nd birthday bash, visited Hilton Manchester for the first time and went up to "Cloud 23" on its top floor for a drink and chill. Quite impressive. Good bartenders.
  
• Finally got to drink Frangelico for the first time in AGES. I think it's been a year. Managed to strike up a conversation with one of the bartenders and whilst exchanging tips on what might be good to have with Frangelico, he gave me at least 2 free shots of it to try and countless sips of various cocktails he was making for other customers. Shhh...
  
• For the first time I was more impressed with the cameo in a movie by Keith Richards in Pirates 3 than the leading cast. You could really see how much Johnny Depp based his character on the rockstar. The schizophrenic scenes by Mr Jack Sparrow were impressive too.
  
• For the first time EVER in my life, I got hit on by a man, a 30 year old man, in the pub. Was quite creepy, the way he came onto me and Brian. Now I know how gals feel when guys come on too strongly onto them. Hahaha. We hastily finished our drinks and moved onto the next pub.
  
• Managed to get in touch with Patricia for the first time since Christmas. That little woman has been one busy lady =) She climbed Mount. Kinabalu with her boyfriend, went on a business trip with her boss to India, witnessed the birth of Jessica's baby girl and so on. Can't wait to catch up with her in Singapore.
  
• Got depressed for I missed Ling Yu immensely for a moment and went on a casino spree thoughout the night by myself. First time I visited all 4 casinos in a single night. Total losses at the end of the night at 6am.... 3.40 pounds.
  

There are more... but they've slipped my mind. Surely the above points are more than enough already though. Till next we meet. Wish me luck for the remaining 3 papers!

p.s Ling, I told Aaron that you and I don't talk anymore, but still thought I would try to pass on the message. Aaron sends his regards and wonders if you are doing fine in Singapore. He asks if you managed to receive his last email and he would like to hear from you sometime. He also says that you are missed in Oxney.
p.p.s. Keith and Zhengjie also say that they miss your bad assness and wish they could drink with you again. Vicki sends her love too.

Let The (Price)Wars Begin

2008... the year I graduate! Looks like the aerospace industry is going to be one majorly exciting field to work in when I go job hunting. Hopefully, that also means I won't have a hard time landing a job. Also, all this competition should translate into another price war between the 2 carriers. Woohoo!

About the Boeing 787 Dreamliner

Boeing says 'on time' for Dreamliner launch in 2008
Posted: 24 May 2007 0608 hrs

NEW YORK : US aviation giant Boeing said on Wednesday it remained on track for the planned May 2008 commercial launch of its 787 "Dreamliner" aircraft.

Mike Bair, head of Boeing's 787 programme, said the first Dreamliner was set to be completed July 8 and the first test flight as early as late August.

"All of the airplanes will be in flight tests by the end of the year," he said.

Bair said there remained some extra time to fix any problems that are seen during test flights.

"I can't remember a single test programme where you don't find something," he said.

"We've allowed ourselves some time for some additional testing in case we find something."

The plane is set to be Boeing's biggest commercial success, with over 500 orders since the launch announcement in April 2004.

Boeing's order book for the Dreamliner is full, with any new orders to be delivered no sooner than 2013.

The success of the new plane has allowed Boeing to overtake Airbus as the world's biggest aircraft maker, based on last year's orders.

The Dreamliner will have a cruising speed of Mach 0.85 (1,050 kilometres per hour) and will carry 250 to 350 passengers.

With a range of up to 14,500 kilometres, the aircraft will use 20 percent less fuel than any other plane of its size through engine improvements and the use of lighter composite metals for structure, according to Boeing.

Most of the orders are from major airlines, but Boeing said it has received seven orders for Dreamliners as so-called VIP aircraft or business jets. - AFP/de

It's The Final Countdown

song : Here is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls
mood: stressed
book-in-hand: Fabric of the Cosmos by Briane Greene

Thank God for small blessings. This time around, the hardest 2 papers come last. Numerical Methods and Low Speed Aerodynamics. Whether I will have to come back early on the 21st of August to retake my papers will ultimately come down to these 2 modules.

1. Management II (18/05/07)
2. Aerospace Structures (21/05/07)
3. Control Systems (25/05/07)
4. Aircraft Design (30/05/07)
5. Numerical Methods (01/06/07)
6. Low Speed Aerodynamics (04/06/07)

I am feeling very stupid indeed this year. Barely keeping my head afloat in school.

p.s. Yes, WX, I am reading that book again because a) I am out of books to read and b) I didn't understand everything in it the first time round.

For The Folks Back Home

song : Everything - Michael Buble
mood: quirky
book-in-hand: People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck

My time in Victoria Hall is drawing to close and I realise that it has totally slipped my mind to put up some pics of my current room for my folks back home!

Upon entering my room, this is what you see.

Insert human here for me to stare at when entering my room

Where I spin my dreams.

My study table is divided into 2 halves with my laptop on my left and a space in the middle where I usually do the pen-pushing part of the work. Mr. IBM has to be close on hand as most of my work requires the comp in one way or another nowadays.

And.... the other half is dedicated to the "studying-survival-tools" for me. Hahaha. There's the kettle for my tea, loads of water bottles, the table lamp, pens and what nots. Tucked into the corner is a clothes hanger where I leave my comfy clothes for home wear. SSsshhhh...

4 Essential Steps to Surviving Exams

song : Time Is Running Out - Muse
mood: teafused
book-in-hand: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak


Step one:

Prepare 2 cups and one mega-ass strainer




Step 2:

Sprinkle desired amount of tea leaves into strainer for preferred level of tea intoxication. Insert strainer into appropriate big-assed cup and add boiling water.


Step 3:

Return strainer to 1st cup to keep for repeat of steps

ad infinitum

Sip scalding tea to invigorate mind and cook tastebuds.

Step 4:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Revise!!!!!!!!!!!!

Extended Revision Hours Does Weird Things To Your Mind

song : You Get What You Give - New Radicals
mood: exhausted
book-in-hand: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me....tonight

This really really really really PISSES ME OFF

2 Young men dead, just like that. Another 2 critically injured and 9 victims in total. They were probably just slacking off in the storeroom doing what we army men term as "sai-kang" the quintessential "make-work" in the military. I suppose there will be another uproar back home over this matter. Fingers pointed and stuff. So what? The boys are dead!

If SAF already know that Taiwanese military uses ageing F-5 aeroplanes that are of questionable serviceability, (2 crashes from the same plane model in a single year is not a fluke, it's called a bloody WARNING) why place any of the young boys in potential harm? Why was the plane flying so low over a military base that has operational staff in the first place. Aren't there practice grounds with mock buildings that are EMPTY for firing exercises? Give all those clerks and officers sitting in offices something to do. Check out planned training exercises conducted by the host country BEFORE sending our own troops there. Granted, overseas training is unavoidable given Singapore's small size. All the more safety checks and information gathering be performed at a stringent level! National Service is mandatory for us already. Just don't make us wonder which freaking acci- drowning-plane crash- misfire- torture-dent will kill us next.



"TAIPEI : A Taiwanese fighter jet crashed on Friday morning during an exercise, killing its two pilots.

The aircraft crashed within the grounds of a military base in Hukou, some 50 kilometres south of the capital Taipei.

Two visiting Singaporean military personnel were also killed, and two others have been hospitalised.

The twin-seat fighter jet crashed after completing a simulated low-altitude attack.

According to the Taiwanese Defence Ministry, the flight was part of the island's annual Hankuang military exercise.

Eyewitnesses say the F-5F aircraft failed to pull up in time, and crashed into a military base in Hukou.

One says: "I was with my children in the park when we saw the jet flying just above us. The jet flipped twice and crashed."

Two visiting Singaporean soldiers who were in a storeroom at the base were killed.

Nine other Singaporeans were injured, two of them seriously.

They were there in support of the Singapore Armed Forces' unilateral training in Taiwan.

Lee Jye, Taiwanese Defence Minister, says: "Their casualties included two men who were killed and two who were injured."

The two soldiers who suffered severe burns were rushed to a military hospital in Taipei's Neihu district.

Doctors say one of them, a 22-year-old, is in critical condition.

He had burns on 50 percent of his body, and also suffered from smoke inhalation.

The second man suffered burns on 40 percent of his body.

Doctor Chen Tien Mu, Surgical Department, Tri-service General Hospital, says: "The one with more serious injuries couldn't speak much but the other man had requested to call his mother. He didn't say anything about the situation then."

According to doctors, both men suffered from second to third degree burns on their head, shoulders and back.

They are now undergoing intensive care at the hospital's burns centre and doctors are desperately trying to stabilise their condition.

The Taiwanese Defence Ministry has grounded all its F-5F fighters pending the outcome of an investigation into the accident.

This is the second crash involving an F-5F jet fighter in a year.

Last June, an F-5F crashed into a rice field during a training flight, killing a pilot and injuring the other pilot.

Taiwan has about 60 ageing F-5 jets, and it is trying to replace them with newer fighter aircraft." - CNA/ch

Of Lawyers and such

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Shu, if you ever become like this, I'll shoot you myself :P

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

And the truth of the matter for you is...

We love you too WX =]

Take your time. Rant a little. Bitch a little. Shop a little (with ML only please, you know I hate shopping). Eat a little. Sleep a little.

Little by little. We'll always be here for you. As if you didn't already know that. :)

Hmmmm...

Jerry Adler
Newsweek
May 7, 2007 issue - Consider someone who has just died of a heart attack. His organs are intact, he hasn't lost blood. All that's happened is his heart has stopped beating—the definition of "clinical death"—and his brain has shut down to conserve oxygen. But what has actually died?

As recently as 1993, when Dr. Sherwin Nuland wrote the best seller "How We Die," the conventional answer was that it was his cells that had died. The patient couldn't be revived because the tissues of his brain and heart had suffered irreversible damage from lack of oxygen. This process was understood to begin after just four or five minutes. If the patient doesn't receive cardiopulmonary resuscitation within that time, and if his heart can't be restarted soon thereafter, he is unlikely to recover. That dogma went unquestioned until researchers actually looked at oxygen-starved heart cells under a microscope. What they saw amazed them, according to Dr. Lance Becker, an authority on emergency medicine at the University of Pennsylvania. "After one hour," he says, "we couldn't see evidence the cells had died. We thought we'd done something wrong." In fact, cells cut off from their blood supply died only hours later.

But if the cells are still alive, why can't doctors revive someone who has been dead for an hour? Because once the cells have been without oxygen for more than five minutes, they die when their oxygen supply is resumed. It was that "astounding" discovery, Becker says, that led him to his post as the director of Penn's Center for Resuscitation Science, a newly created research institute operating on one of medicine's newest frontiers: treating the dead.

Biologists are still grappling with the implications of this new view of cell death—not passive extinguishment, like a candle flickering out when you cover it with a glass, but an active biochemical event triggered by "reperfusion," the resumption of oxygen supply. The research takes them deep into the machinery of the cell, to the tiny membrane-enclosed structures known as mitochondria where cellular fuel is oxidized to provide energy. Mitochondria control the process known as apoptosis, the programmed death of abnormal cells that is the body's primary defense against cancer. "It looks to us," says Becker, "as if the cellular surveillance mechanism cannot tell the difference between a cancer cell and a cell being reperfused with oxygen. Something throws the switch that makes the cell die."

With this realization came another: that standard emergency-room procedure has it exactly backward. When someone collapses on the street of cardiac arrest, if he's lucky he will receive immediate CPR, maintaining circulation until he can be revived in the hospital. But the rest will have gone 10 or 15 minutes or more without a heartbeat by the time they reach the emergency department. And then what happens? "We give them oxygen," Becker says. "We jolt the heart with the paddles, we pump in epinephrine to force it to beat, so it's taking up more oxygen." Blood-starved heart muscle is suddenly flooded with oxygen, precisely the situation that leads to cell death. Instead, Becker says, we should aim to reduce oxygen uptake, slow metabolism and adjust the blood chemistry for gradual and safe reperfusion.

Researchers are still working out how best to do this. A study at four hospitals, published last year by the University of California, showed a remarkable rate of success in treating sudden cardiac arrest with an approach that involved, among other things, a "cardioplegic" blood infusion to keep the heart in a state of suspended animation. Patients were put on a heart-lung bypass machine to maintain circulation to the brain until the heart could be safely restarted. The study involved just 34 patients, but 80 percent of them were discharged from the hospital alive. In one study of traditional methods, the figure was about 15 percent.

Becker also endorses hypothermia—lowering body temperature from 37 to 33 degrees Celsius—which appears to slow the chemical reactions touched off by reperfusion. He has developed an injectable slurry of salt and ice to cool the blood quickly that he hopes to make part of the standard emergency-response kit. "In an emergency department, you work like mad for half an hour on someone whose heart stopped, and finally someone says, 'I don't think we're going to get this guy back,' and then you just stop," Becker says. The body on the cart is dead, but its trillions of cells are all still alive. Becker wants to resolve that paradox in favor of life.




hmmm.... I wonder if this will bring about another wave of Deep Freezing on "death" frenzy among the rich and famously "Michael Jackson"

Somethings are bred into you

Personally, I think the fact that I am the first born and eldest grandson in the family has a very big part to play in who I am today.

You Are An ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done. You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings. Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you. Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

What's Your Personality Type?

Pictures to DIE for

*first few pictures from one of my all time favourite floggers (food blogger) www.chubbyhubby.net

Done Deal

Just heard from Mom today that she's sold Mayflower. Bittersweet memories. God... I am going to miss my room so much. Countless significant events have transpired and come to pass within those walls. The very smell of the room is me. Come September, someone else will be living in it. Year 2007 has just been one heartache and parting after another. I hope that with our new place, there will be a fresh start and things will take a turn for the better.

Together, the family has to be strong.

Mental Note to Self:

Never..... ever take a nap late in the evening no matter how tired I am. It is now nearly 7am and I only have myself to blame before dragging myself to classes at 9am. Oh well... at least I finished some work and my report. Here's something I found while surfing to while the time away:


Japanese fooled in poodle scam



April 26, 2007 - 8:59PM



Thousands of Japanese have been swindled in a scam in which they were sold Australian and British sheep and told they were poodles.

Flocks of sheep were imported to Japan and then sold by a company called Poodles as Pets, marketed as fashionable accessories, available at $1,600 each.

That is a snip compared to a real poodle which retails for twice that much in Japan.

The scam was uncovered when Japanese moviestar Maiko Kawamaki went on a talk-show and wondered why her new pet would not bark or eat dog food.

She was crestfallen when told it was a sheep.

Then hundreds of other women got in touch with police to say they feared their new "poodle" was also a sheep.

One couple said they became suspicious when they took their "dog" to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves.

Japanese police believe there could be 2,000 people affected by the scam, which operated in Sapporo and capitalised on the fact that sheep are rare in Japan, so many do not know what they look like.

"We launched an investigation after we were made aware that a company were selling sheep as poodles," Japanese police said, the The Sun reported.

"Sadly we think there is more than one company operating in this way.

"The sheep are believed to have been imported from overseas - Britain, Australia."

Many of the sheep have now been donated to zoos and farms.

The website




Note: Will be locking this place down on monday. Bye bye readers who I don't know.

Crazy Pilot!!!!

But I would *love* to have been in the plane for the ride.





SU-27 FIGHTER - Click here for the most popular videos

That Time Of The Year Again..

... Where everyone has to gear up for exams

... Those who are heading home expectantly waiting for the day to arrive

... The days get longer and longer

... I break out the hair-band to keep from getting poked in the eye repeatedly while studying

... I will soon say goodbye to a few for months and say hello to another select few at last in months.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

No, this isn't a rant entry on how I wish I could forget all about Ling - because I don't. I was just wondering if we somehow both totally forgot about each other (maybe I will suffer a stroke in the brain due to my high blood pressure, at least that is plausible... don't think anything would happen to Ling, she's too healthy) would we fall in love with each other all over again? That's what happened to Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet eventually in the movie, their fucked up personalities and chemistry just pulling at each other like magnets.

Personally, I would say "yes" I would fall in love with the love of my life all over again. I guess what this post is really saying is this : I don't regret having been with Ling one bit. Thank you Ling, for what once was.


note: 9 days to lock down. for those who have asked - no it doesn't mean I will stop blogging. Just means that if you want to read my blog from 1st of May onwards, you will have to log onto your blogger account. Just that first time. If you choose to "remember me" while logging in, you won't have to repeat the process everytime. Cookies will have to be enabled of course.

Please Don't Tell Her

so why after the all of everything that came and went
I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras
i told you i don't but
i am only trying to be the best with my attempt
To cure the rest is sure to lay me ease
The plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
that's easier said
easier than done
please don't dare to tell her what i've become
please don't mention all the attention i have drawn
please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when i'm gone

because i'm crazy like the rest of us
but i'm crazier when i'm next to her
and it's amazing how she's so self-assured
but i know she'd hate me if she knew my words
do i hurt anymore
do i hurt, well
i don't
i don't
i don't


the creative realm loves the depressed and the loved. 

It's Coming!

Finally.... delivery date is expected to be sometime this October. Now, dear SIA, which flight routes do you plan to test your new baby on? *hint hint*

Reminds me of a great video I once saw...

Top 10 Posts

14/04/05... the birthdate of this blog. It's been 2 years since I've started this blog. Amazing. Ever get the dual feeling of how time flies and yet moves forward at a crawl as well? That description would fit how I feel about this blog right now. As a sort of "birthday gift" to this blog of mine, which has seen me through some of the darkest as well as brightest spots of the past 2 years, I am sifting through the posts and choosing a few gems to be my all time top 10 favourite posts. This was no mean feat of course and I've still labelled the few that have fallen by the wayside under "top 10" even though I won't be mentioning them below. And so, the top 10 are....


10. SingNite!!!

9. Basketball and DOTA times...

8. Lake District

7. In Eternal Randomness

6. I need...

5. Back in.... (February only lah)

4. I am Him

3. The Day Of Handedness

2. Smile

1. La Kopi


Reminder: This blog locks down on the 1st of May

edit: I didn't realise it at first, but this makes it the 2nd hundredth post on this blog! Hmmm...where did the first hundred go?

Dear all

After much consideration and pondering, I have decided to lock my blog down. Largely due to the dear "Anon" and the recent random comment. If you would still like to read my blog, just msn me, email me or CONTACT me some way or another and I'll add you to the reader's list. You will receive an email and a link in it to activate subscription. If it's too much of a hassle, I guess this is goodbye then.

Countdown: Till 1st May

Congrats

I hope she loves you as much as we all do. May you two be happy and your road to recovery be steadfast.

God Bless.

Saw this on Angel's Blog

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

If you smile/laugh, you lose.

More on this post when I feel like it...

You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.

Buddhism		71%
Islam		63%
Christianity		50%
agnosticism		50%
Satanism		50%
atheism		42%
Judaism		42%
Hinduism		38%
Paganism		38%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

I'll Be...

This song gets me. Everytime. I find it so contradictingly beautiful. Full of hope and yet depressing all at the same time. Go on, captivate me.

Edwin McCain - I'll Be


The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful 
Stop me and steal my breath 
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together 
Dress it up with the trappings of love 
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder 
I'll be love's suicide 
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder 
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And I've dropped out, I've burned up
I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on
Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder 
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your 

I'll be your cryin' shoulder 
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your whole life

Take Life With A Pinch of Salt

I feel you dude... I feel you. So pass the salt.

Sunset in North Wales

Took a road trip to North Wales with a few friends and managed to catch a splendid sunset. The colours of the sun resplendent in all its glory. Hopefully when I die, it will be after a wonderful life, just like the magnificent sunset filling the sky with a blazing concert of colours before winking out.

I wonder...

how is she now?

Are things at work looking up? Maybe a raise soon?

Is she getting along fine with her family and Teh Peng as smart as ever?

Has she started dating someone or interested in someone?

I wonder... and hope... she is fine.

Remnants

Remnants. Yes, I suppose that is what I would call it. Now that a certain period of time has passed and I am able to look back/around/introspectively with a sheen of protective numbness, it is kind of amusing. What is, you ask? Well, take a gander across my room and you will see the room of a single male student - maybe a little tidier than average - but the pad of a bachelor nonetheless. Funny how just a few simple changes can alter the feeling and atmosphere of person's room so drastically. All it took was for me to put away the triple photo frame (imagine a leather frame that has 3 slots for photos that can be opened and closed like a book) and another photo of Ling and I on the notice board. That's it.

But look a little closer, beyond the obvious. See the white card embossed with silver drops to outline the shape of a heart? No need to guess why it occupies top position on the notice board. The small fan whose soft whirls will lull me to sleep come summer? It travelled a fair distance from Oxney Gardens to Victoria Hall. The letter set she gave me which I only used once. The journal she never found out about - it was really her idea for us to write down thoughts and feelings in a journal and pass them to each other, but she never knew that I started it for real - because I meant to surprise her with it. The extra phone line that was meant to be used exclusively for her. And so the list goes on... down to the very subtly placed jacket we picked out together inPrimark. Every item possessing a memory and feeling.

My point is this: when you truly love someone and share your life with them, it is impossible to extradite them completely out again. I suppose you could say that in a certain way, a little part of them has been infused into you. Of course, it's not just the materialistic items. Locations, situations, interests and many others. I just wanted to refer to items because they are the most tangible.

To deny the past is to deny the truth and what's the point in lying to yourself? Do not deny or try to erase these little nuggets of memories, but cherish them for the good times that were shared. Stop looking upon these remnants of a life shared as articles of a hurt once suffered, for the hurt was in the parting and not the sharing. Instead, remember them for what they truly are - expressions of love. Each and every one of them. Let them warm your heart and tug at your smiles once again. Surely that was the original intention of the person when she/he gave it to you? Back when she gave you a piece of her heart, so that she could touch yours.

Smile

Best line I heard today in conversation: "Life is like a sine curve. After the X-axis it will get better again." It was smart and borderline tacky enough to make me smile. Hehe, but oh so true. What is life if not a tumultuous roller coaster ride? There's always a future to look towards and a past to learn from if you allow it. It's time to accept and through the pain, the heartache and the sadness, to just.. smile. Self-pity is a very painful thing. It only harms yourself. Look for inspiration and motivation in the little things everyday. In songs that you've forgotten in your hard disk. In mundane conversations with friends. In late night chit-chats with flatmates. In the clear blue sky on the walk home. In being alive.

Therefore, today, thank you Mr Cole. Let's smile.

Smile - Nat King Cole

Smile, tho' your heart is aching, 
Smile, even tho' it's breaking 
When there are clouds in the sky, 
You'll get by 
If you smile 
Through your fears and sorrow 
Smile ~ and maybe tomorrow 
You'll see the sun come shining through 
For you.

Light up your face with gladness, 
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear 
May be ever so near 
That's the time you must keep on trying, 
Smile ~ what's the use of crying? 
You'll find that life is still worthwhile 
If you'll just smile. 

I understand.

You and I,
A love story that has ended.
We now gaze out of different windows.

Silent memories enact mute movies,
but no one notices.

I move on in life,
carrying your name and mine inside,
but this mind of mine shuns at remembering you.

Try as I might I can't forget,
this annulled history that still remains,
stuck on the day we parted ways.

It hurts so much precisely because I understand why.

Without you I can only listen to the wind's breath.
But something called Time says we'll be alright,
we'll heal in the end.

I can't help it precisely because I understand why.

I know I will cry no matter what I decide to myself this time.
Some regrets can only be felt and said when alone.

I'm sorry,
I still cherish ...us
I still cherish ...
Everything.

In Relation To Letting Her Go...

This song just popped into my head when I was posting the previous entry. Rick Price's classic song, Heaven Knows. Pretty apparent in the lyrics why it did.

She's always on my mind.
From the time i wake up, till i close my eyes.
She's everywhere i go.
She's all i know.
Though she's so far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday.
And even now she's gone, i'm still holding on.

So tell me where do i start, cause it's breaking my heart.
Don't wanna let her go.

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows.
And maybe our hearts will find their way, only heaven knows.
And all i can do, is hope and pray.
Cause heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me, that if you really love her.
You've gotta set her free.
And if she returns in time, I'll know she's mine.
But telll me where do i start.
cause its breaking my heart. 
Don't wanna let her go.

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows.
And maybe our hearts will find their way, but only heaven knows.
And all i can do, is hope and pray.
cause heaven knows.

Why i live in despair, cause wide awake or dreaming.
I know she's never there.
And all the time i act so brave, i'm shaking inside.
Why does it hurt me so ?

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows.
And maybe our hearts will find their way, but only heaven knows.
And all i can do, is hope and pray.
cause heaven knows.

Heaven knows.
Heaven knows.

So when will I recover from it all? Heaven knows.

手放开

歌手：李圣杰 专辑：绝对痴心.手放开

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待
最后的疼爱是手放开
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go.

Tears Well Up When You Least Expect Them To.

你已经远远离开
我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你

我真的没有天份
安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望你是真的比从前快乐
我才会逼自己离开


At least she seems happier now without me in her life.

So many goodbyes

It never ceases, does it... heart wrenching moments followed by soul rendering words. How much more, before my back meets the proverbial straw and breaks? Maybe it has and I just don't know it yet.


I see you, You (don't) see me - Magic Numbers

Feeling...

like a spoilt brat. It's -3 degrees today. Wana complain to someone. Be pampered abit. Whatever... "Shower some love on me" ...


Fucking hell, it sucks being sick.

Randomness

Samious is Dubious

Samious is dubious
Gone are the days when he was ambitious.
Everything is just horrendous.
Even in weeping the loneliness is monstrous,
For his soul mate is lost and burdened with being industrious.

Samious is dubious
Gone are the days when he was curious.
Everyone is just too serious.
Even though the reason are various,
And sometimes downright ambiguous,
The world's favourite past time is being furious.

Why does it have to be so malicious?
All it takes is to be a little more gracious,
For an act of kindness is wondrous,
It can placate even the murderous.
What's the point in being studious
When I have lost all impetus.

Goodbye

Take care great-grandpa. These silent tears I shed for you. Take care on your journey onto the after-life. I know it was an inevitable event for you and you tried your best to fight on for the sake of the family. Mom may be devastated, but may she take comfort in the end of your suffering. I salute you in your strength and wit and humour to the last hour. If I could do the same in my dying moments, I would be proud. Only you can understand now, this drawing of strength from within required of oneself at these dire times of need. How you cannot show weakness and not let your grand-daughter (my mom) know how sad and afraid you are. I cry for you and with you. I will miss you, Ah Zor. Go in peace knowing you are ever in our thoughts. Hopefully, your passing will finally bring the family together again, if only for a while. Take care in heaven and remember that we will always love you. Together, we must be strong for the living and weep in secret for the dead.

Ah Zor, le ai ka ki chiu kor ka ki. Zhong Tai bui sai tio le eh sheng bu, chin eh dui em ki. Le tio ti teng hou hou hiu sek. Wa lang eh dai zee, le bian huan lor liao, eh sai ka Tai Ma hou hou gong wei, hiu sek. Zhong Tai tio Eng Gok tak chek, bah lu ko liao chek, bo tang hor le xio hiong, chin zah pai seh. Dan wa tak wan gim ni eh chek, deng lai liao, gah le pai pai hor? Tiong kim, le ai boh bi Mami. Le kia liao Mami chin zah xiong xim. Ah Zor, le ban ban kia. Wa lang eh xio le eh, bye bye.

Fuck it. I don't care anymore. I should just die like the piece of shit I am and rot here not bothering anyone.

-------------------------------------------------------

judging from what happened, I wasn't too far off on my self-assessment after all. Now to just wait to die.

If anyone ever felt like giving up...

Which is why we should always cherish it when we have the good fortune to be in love. Regrets are the worse remenants to have from a relationship. Never give anything less than your all is what I say. If you ever find yourself lacking, the least you could do is be honest about it.

This is IT

From here on, there's nowhere to sink any further. As I withdraw into my shell, depression is settling in and hitting me hard. It is like some sick movie as I watch myself morph into a kind of person that can do nothing but despise everything about himself. Oh yeah, this is the pits alright. I am past being angry. That phase has run its course and expended its fiery energy. I can't even be bothered to hate myself any longer.

DAMN IT

I forgot so many things this time, coming back from Singapore!!!

Most importantly I forgot my green tea leaves!!!! What is going to keep me warm through the long long nights now? :(

I should kick myself. And eat more fish.

Time to ... say goodbye.

*cues orchestra*

If you found out

If you found out very specifically that you had EXACTLY 24 hours left to live. To the second, what would you do? You are very sure that there is no hope of rescue and in fact, these 24 hours are a gift when your body will not fail you in any endeavour you might have. You will not feel ill in any way till the alloted hour is up. How would you spend these 24 hours?

I think this would be a very interesting question. The manner one would spend the precious moments left will definintely change with the years. What I choose to do with my remaining time now will not necessarily be the same if I ask myself the same questions 5 years down the road. This shall be my little project then. Every 5 years I shall ask myself this very question again, on the end of the year. Let's see, what happens. And so... on with this year's... ending notes.

I find out at 7am in the moring:

1. As any normal human being would, I will need some time to reflect when this news is broken to me. Time to think back on how this short life has passed and what I have managed to do these past 23 years. At this point in time, I think I will not let anyone know of my impending departure. I do not wish for anyone around me to treat me differently just because the end is nigh. Sorting out my piority and getting myself into the right frame of mind to do this last rite of lifehood.

time left: 23 hours (8am)

2. I would have breakfast with my mother and talk to her over the meal. Ask her how is work, business and the guys chasing after her. (My mom is not one for lack of suitors, known that since MRT first rolled out in Singapore) Do the dishes and then send her to work. Talk to her again on the way to Mandai in the car. Times have been tough for everyone in the family and it helps everyone to know there's someone who still bothers.

time left: 21 hours (10am)

3. Getting home from Mandai, I would call my financial planner and ensure that all my assets are in place. Having made sure of that, a check with the company's lawyer to make certain that my will is drafted and properly handled. At this point in my life, I have no family to care for and as such, I will be leaving half of my remainings to my younger sister. There is the added clause that she will only be able to use the money for the following reasons: To finance her own education, a HDB flat, medical fees and/or those of her children (my nieces and nephews basically).

That done, I will be giving $5000SGD each to Ling, Uncle Han, Auntie Heok, Auntie Yang, ML and RB. Ling's just started work and things aren't too easy for her financially. Hopefully a little aid in her attaining financially stability will ease her stress load a little.

Times are hard for my Uncle and Aunties as well. Especially so for my Uncle in New Zealand. Their household has to depend on his wife as the sole source of income at the time being and living in a rented house all the time can't be nice. Hopefully with this little cash he can go and get something nice for the 2 kids, his wife and himself.

Whatever may remain, I will be leaving for my Mom. She doesn't really need the money, but since I can't be around anymore, this the least I should give back to her for all the hard work she's done through the years for my sister and I. Dad, I am not worried about. He has more than the needed cash reserves to retire comfortably in a few years time.

That settles the money. I hope. A will should make things neater. Not like the mess that ensued when my grandmother and then my grandfather passed on. That was ugly.

time left: 20 hours. (11am)

4. I will try to meet Ling for lunch at Mohd Sultan.

Try I say. Why?

It's not a guaranteed thing that she will be able to meet me for lunch. Work is a piority for her right this moment. Not much of a choice there, considering the line she is in. Long hours, commitment and fatigue is piecemeal. All the more so since she just got confirmed by her employer and will be expected to perform up to or even above standards. They have got high hopes for her I think. Workaholic my is my gal's middle name. :) Alchie is her last, in case you were wondering.

Even if she should not be able to make lunch, would still pop by at lunch time to give her a slice of cake in a box from one of the places she likes. Just because. I lie. It is because I would still like a glimpse of her even so. On my last day. Hopefully she won't be irritated at my impudence and demanding ways (which should surprise her a little) and I will get a last hug and smile as she totters back up the stairs she just came down from. Inside the box there will be a chic little card accompanying the cake, inviting my Darling to a dinner that evening that will totally cooked and prepared by me for her, my mom and my sister. The 3 girls in my life.

time left: 17 hours (2pm)

5. Grocery shopping in preparation for the final dinner. Thinking of the menu (might as well indulge myself since I do like cooking) I will probably do my Japanese Hamburgers. The ones that have both pork and beef in them with bread to help hold them together. The braised pork ribs that I recently mastered (they really taste like divine Kung Bah but without the fat from the pork belly). Flash fried broccolli with carrots and mushrooms because everyone I'm cooking for loves them. Especially Ling. Will also cook some Xiao Bai Cai with garlic because I have always liked some leaves in my meal. Will order those cute little cups of tiramitsu from www.tiramitsutra.com for dessert. Will have to start marinating the pork/beef combination the moment I get home if they are to have any flavour after baking in the oven.

time left: 15 hours (4pm)

6. I will have to be cruel and stick to this, but I will be only calling 2 people to have a chat with them. I only have so much time (24 hours to be exact) and will be talking to each of this person an hour each. Piority goes to my Uncle Han since it is not possible to meet him in person. Should he not be available, I will move on and call the following people in the following order until someone is free for that hour. Patricia, Bao Guang, Angel, Desmond, Nerissa, Roger, Hui Zhen, Dad and lastly Winnie. Should no one be free, I will go and shoot hoops until these 2 hours are up. Then it'll be time to put the burgers in the oven and start cooking for dinner.

time left: 13 hours (6pm)

7. Time to get everything together for dinner. The burger will already be baking in the oven and I will have to start on the pork ribs first as they have to be braised. I prefer to stand over them over the first 30 mins as this is the most crucial period in the braising process. Once the sauce is properly done and simmering away, I will transfer the ribs and sauce into a slow cooker to let the flavours grow and gain more body on low heat. ABSOLUTELY no more boiling from then on. With 30mins left, it will be just nice to fry the vegetables, cook the rice and take the burgers out just before serving. Stick the 2 plates of vege into the oven, check the burgers are cooked, turn the heat to low to keep things nice and warm and go take a shower before Ling, Mum and Sis arrive for dinner.

Time left: 12 hours (7pm)

8. Dinner will be a quiet affair. With the 4 of us at the dining table, just unwinding from the day. Slowly eating a nice (I hope. Everything should turn out fine. These are tried and tested dishes of mine) home cooked meal and letting the knots ease out of the muscles. Random conversation. Commenting on interesting stuff that might have occured in the day. A nice, homely dinner. Great way to soothe a tired mind at day's end. Time always seems to fly by when at the dinner table.

time left: 10 hours (9pm)

9. Ling and I will retire to my room after dinner. As is usually the case when I am around, I am sure Ling will be stuffed and her tummy satisfied. She can finally let loose and relax for the day. Lying on my bed. Cheekily slipping under covers, knowing full well she doesn't need my permission, but asking just the same. Maybe we'll watch some anime, maybe not. Maybe she'll snuggle up to me in bed and fall asleep. I would be blessed and be able to hear her mumblings and breathing while she slumbers. One Last Time. Kiss her ever moving eyes, closed or not. Breathe in the perfume of her. Feel the warmth of her touch.

Before too long, she would awake and tell me she has to get home. Work on the 'moro you see. I drive her home and kiss her goodnight. And Goodbye.

Time left: 7 hours (12am)

10. I would make a quick detour to Chinese Swimming Club. I am very sure that my Dad will be there playing Mahjong, winding down with the last game of the night, as has been his practice for the past decade or more. A few games of pool, a few shots of whiskey, the kind of things I usually do with my Dad. Won't do anything out of the ordinary with him, lest he suspects. A cop will always be a copper. Talk to him about life and listen to him about his women problems abit before calling it a night. It gets tiring when you have to advice your own Dad. Even more so when he doesn't take it.

Time left: 5 hours (2am)

11. Drive to Jook. Call the boys (ML n RB) out to supper, go 7-11, whatever. Will talk crap with them and have a good laugh. Maybe shoot some basketball, just for fun, nothing that would break a sweat. Being with them is always a laugh. I live in the east as much as I live in AMK. We will finally tire and say our goodbyes, but by then, hours will always have gone by without us realising. 3 hours tonight might be stretching the limit for us, but we've been there and done that. Won't be the first time we "talked cocked" till the wee hours.

Time left: 2 hours (5am)

12. Drive to Upper Seletar. My favourite hideout in the whole of Singapore. I'll climb that tower and let the sight of the water and trees calm my soul. I have no idea what will be going through my mind for the final 2 hours. Never been in such a situation. I'll just... Stone. Watch the waters turn blue along with the sky. All the colours in the world coming to life along with the Sun as mine comes to an end. With the Sun fully risen, I'll send a "Good Morning" txt to my darling Ling to say I love her and maybe, if my maker is merciful, I will breathe my last with the sending of that message.

Time left: zero (7am)

Thresholds (1)

Hello there old friend. It's been a long time, back to visit again?


Yes, it has, hasn't it? I believe it was in secondary 2 that we last met? When your youngest Aunt passed away, wasn't it?


That's how long ago it was? I didn't even realise. So, why are you back again this time? Unfinished business?


Oh well... you know me. My business with you is never finished. Hey, it's not like I want to be here you know? You summoned me. I suppose... It is inevitable from the string of events going on in your life.


Hey hey, I didn't exactly invite you either. You just... Came! Yes, I know my thoughts have not been exactly healthy of late, but like you said, can you blame me for my state of mind? It's just a reaction to the circumstances around me, is it not? Even though I can accept you as part of my life, doesn't exactly mean that I want you to be. I would be more than happy to see the back of you, thank you very much.


And I to show it to you, young Master. You, of all people, should know that the link between us is such that the phrase "Unto death do we part" is a mockery. Either you die or dispel me back into the abyss of your heart I call home. Even then, you know I will return. If only to congratulate you for what you may or may not have accomplished as the bells of time keel out your death toll. I exist only because you do.


Be gone then! If your existence is dependent on mine, I demand that you leave me at once in peace.


Alas...It is you who will not let me go.


Blasted creature, you torment me so. For all the raging emotions you stir up in my soul, all actions are also quelled into inaction by your presence. I am impotent to act upon my despair as I drift along with my drained heart. Be gone, I implore you, be gone. Numb are my overworked senses. Tired is my unused body. Restless is my aimless mind.


And tighter does your grip on me ever grow. You watch me - grow stronger, larger and darker as I loom more and more over you - and you despair. You despair and your mute, pointless and mindless sorrow feeds me. It strengthens and emboldens me. You see the source of my power, but yet you still despair. The blasted one is you, insufferable fool.


Silence the mockery you utter. Do you think I am not aware of what you said. By-product of my existence, of course I know what you think. And yet... For that.. a greater fool I am. Helpless to help myself in spite of the knowledge we share. You have me at knife point. This is a checkmate I saw coming and did not avert. I have made you the scapegoat of my suicide, have I not?

I now stand at the threshold. A choice I have to make on the precipice of the plunge. How ironic that the plunge should be into the abyss of my own heart. The halls of your home from which you hail. Funny how my own heart is lethal and treasonous ground.


...to be continued

Echoes in my head....

Words and thoughts I can't exorcise out of my pysche. Meaning and implications that haunt me. Possibilities that terrify me....


"Why are you like this? Can't you give me some personal space and leave me alone?"

Meeting me is more of a chore than your household chores perhaps. A source of irritation I have become. Actions and gestures which only a boyfriend should/would think of doing now trouble you and even angers you.

You are more attached to whoever is texting you on your phone than me when we're alone. Is it really that terrifying and boring to be alone with me now?

3 full days I have been back. 30000 times my heart has cried. 1 weekend gone, 3 left, only 1 real weekend left to us. Has that occured to you this time around?

"you're leaving in 3 weeks. -clings on-"



Heart: I hurt.. why does it hurt so bad?
Soul: Stop beating yourself and the pain will stop.

Tell me what to do.

I wish you would gaze at me like you used to. I wish I could have so many more "10mins". This sense of me inexorably fading out of your life is such an excruciating pain. As though a part of me dies with each passing moment. "I love you" doesn't do it anymore. It isn't enough anymore. These 3 words might be in you, slowly turning transparent and vanishing. You try to form them into words, but they are as lead weights sinking further and further into the abyss.

I miss you. Your simple touch. More importantly, your smile. If dying would make you free of the shackles and chains weighing you down, I would commit love suicide.

This is the worst kind of torture, to be sitting beside someone, but knowing that she isn't there with you.

My arms go limp knowing they may never envelop you again, my claustrophobic darling.

Tell me what to do. Say "frog" and see me Croak and jump.

Love of mine some day you will die,
But I'll be close behind.
I'll follow you into the dark.

I Want...

... somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support


She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me


I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought
And with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to stay clear
Out of those things


But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
And in a place like this
I'll get away with it

Been A While

Haven't blogged about my cooking endeavours here since.... forever. Came across this recipe at ChubbyHubby, one of the best Singapore based food bloggers around. Worked like a charm. The needed ingredients are remarkably simple, but the care and attention inherent weren't. It was well worth though in the end. It reminded me instantly of home upon the first bite of tender meat. Tastes like.... Kung Bah Pow is the best I can describe it. Sadly, didn't pause to take a photo of it before it all disappeared. Delicious!

Find out how it's done

Ingredients:

Pork Riblets Braised in Vietnamese Caramel Sauce
from Molly Stevens' All About Braising
Serves 2 as a meal or 4 as a starter

1 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/3 cup fish sauce
1/3 cup sliced shallots
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1 slab baby back ribs (1.75 to 2 lbs)
sawed lengthwise in half