Sunset in North Wales

Took a road trip to North Wales with a few friends and managed to catch a splendid sunset. The colours of the sun resplendent in all its glory. Hopefully when I die, it will be after a wonderful life, just like the magnificent sunset filling the sky with a blazing concert of colours before winking out.

I wonder...

how is she now?

Are things at work looking up? Maybe a raise soon?

Is she getting along fine with her family and Teh Peng as smart as ever?

Has she started dating someone or interested in someone?

I wonder... and hope... she is fine.

Remnants

Remnants. Yes, I suppose that is what I would call it. Now that a certain period of time has passed and I am able to look back/around/introspectively with a sheen of protective numbness, it is kind of amusing. What is, you ask? Well, take a gander across my room and you will see the room of a single male student - maybe a little tidier than average - but the pad of a bachelor nonetheless. Funny how just a few simple changes can alter the feeling and atmosphere of person's room so drastically. All it took was for me to put away the triple photo frame (imagine a leather frame that has 3 slots for photos that can be opened and closed like a book) and another photo of Ling and I on the notice board. That's it.

But look a little closer, beyond the obvious. See the white card embossed with silver drops to outline the shape of a heart? No need to guess why it occupies top position on the notice board. The small fan whose soft whirls will lull me to sleep come summer? It travelled a fair distance from Oxney Gardens to Victoria Hall. The letter set she gave me which I only used once. The journal she never found out about - it was really her idea for us to write down thoughts and feelings in a journal and pass them to each other, but she never knew that I started it for real - because I meant to surprise her with it. The extra phone line that was meant to be used exclusively for her. And so the list goes on... down to the very subtly placed jacket we picked out together inPrimark. Every item possessing a memory and feeling.

My point is this: when you truly love someone and share your life with them, it is impossible to extradite them completely out again. I suppose you could say that in a certain way, a little part of them has been infused into you. Of course, it's not just the materialistic items. Locations, situations, interests and many others. I just wanted to refer to items because they are the most tangible.

To deny the past is to deny the truth and what's the point in lying to yourself? Do not deny or try to erase these little nuggets of memories, but cherish them for the good times that were shared. Stop looking upon these remnants of a life shared as articles of a hurt once suffered, for the hurt was in the parting and not the sharing. Instead, remember them for what they truly are - expressions of love. Each and every one of them. Let them warm your heart and tug at your smiles once again. Surely that was the original intention of the person when she/he gave it to you? Back when she gave you a piece of her heart, so that she could touch yours.

Smile

Best line I heard today in conversation: "Life is like a sine curve. After the X-axis it will get better again." It was smart and borderline tacky enough to make me smile. Hehe, but oh so true. What is life if not a tumultuous roller coaster ride? There's always a future to look towards and a past to learn from if you allow it. It's time to accept and through the pain, the heartache and the sadness, to just.. smile. Self-pity is a very painful thing. It only harms yourself. Look for inspiration and motivation in the little things everyday. In songs that you've forgotten in your hard disk. In mundane conversations with friends. In late night chit-chats with flatmates. In the clear blue sky on the walk home. In being alive.

Therefore, today, thank you Mr Cole. Let's smile.

Smile - Nat King Cole

Smile, tho' your heart is aching, 
Smile, even tho' it's breaking 
When there are clouds in the sky, 
You'll get by 
If you smile 
Through your fears and sorrow 
Smile ~ and maybe tomorrow 
You'll see the sun come shining through 
For you.

Light up your face with gladness, 
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear 
May be ever so near 
That's the time you must keep on trying, 
Smile ~ what's the use of crying? 
You'll find that life is still worthwhile 
If you'll just smile. 

I understand.

You and I,
A love story that has ended.
We now gaze out of different windows.

Silent memories enact mute movies,
but no one notices.

I move on in life,
carrying your name and mine inside,
but this mind of mine shuns at remembering you.

Try as I might I can't forget,
this annulled history that still remains,
stuck on the day we parted ways.

It hurts so much precisely because I understand why.

Without you I can only listen to the wind's breath.
But something called Time says we'll be alright,
we'll heal in the end.

I can't help it precisely because I understand why.

I know I will cry no matter what I decide to myself this time.
Some regrets can only be felt and said when alone.

I'm sorry,
I still cherish ...us
I still cherish ...
Everything.